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If you’re going to give your bike any kind of name at all, then you might as well give it one that makes you look like a bit of a badass.
I mean, come on. No one wants to be riding a bike with a name that sounds all prim, proper, and just a little bit too safe. The type of bike you’d take home to meet your mother.
So grit your teeth, and try and come up with the scariest, bad-boy (or girl), hard-hitting name you can think of.
The following list will help. I’ve got a selection of:
- Horror bike names
- Evil transport bike names
- Evil historical bike names
- Badass theological bike names
- And so much more!
Let’s dive into the evilest, cunning, wily, terrifying names to grace our fair planet.
Horror Bicycle Names
1. Norman Bates
This name would suit any bike that looks quite awkward yet unpretentious on the outside.
An old mountain bike, say, that is slightly past its prime, yet trying to live a life of service and simplicity. Oh, but has a few ‘secrets’ up its sleeve you could say.
2. Norma Bates
Think your bike is a bit more girly, but still a complete off-the-wall psycho. Well, we feel you!
And in this case, change the masculine Norman for the more (slightly) feminine Norma, and off you go.
3. Freddy (Kruger)
Remember this dude with the blades for fingers and a grandpa hat?
Truly terrifying, to be honest.
And I think this would really suit your bike if you have a kind of spiky, narrow, rickety kind of bicycle.
Maybe some of the spokes are loose on the wheels. Brilliant – there are his flashing blades.
Remember this freaky clown demon dude?
This name would suit a voluptuous, slow-moving cycle. Perhaps a fat bike with a single red balloon on a string attached to the seat.
This would suit any white bicycle, that is about 1000 years old, and has basically joined the eternal living dead.
The more creaky and slow-moving the general machinery of the bike the better.
The name of the classic cannibal of yesteryear.
This really describes a bike that is hungry to eat up the road ahead, hungry to burn calories, hungry to help you excel, hungry to…well, just basically hungry.
These Saw movies still give me nightmares, to be honest. That Jigsaw guy is one pretty weird dude.
Any mean-looking, sharply accented bike would be great with this name attached. You would spread fear and terror into all onlookers.
Maybe a black or darkly colored bike would work best with this name.
Maybe even add a dash of red or a full blood-red frame for the adventurous, and that will really bring this name to life.
A bike with this name will be able to gently cruise along – a real long-distance bike. But with the ability for sharp sprints and brutal attacks when the opportunity arises! (Trust me)
If you have even a hunch that your bicycle might be the anti-christ in disguise, then this name suits it perfectly.
A Damien bike would be sweet and young looking but carrying that terrible prophecy that looms large in the future.
10. Annie Wilkes
The friendly serial killer next door. Lovely stuff.
Any more voluptuous bike with an outwardly friendly demeanor would suit this moniker.
Think second-hand fat bike, that’s gone up just a few too many hills. Its tires are flat, its saddle sagging, but it’s still got a bit of life in the old dog yet.
Evil Transport Bike Names
11. Chariot of Fear
It makes my heart flutter even reading this name in my head, let alone out loud.
Chariot of Fear!
I picture a fast-moving road bike eating up the road in front of it like there were fantastical flames curling out of its back.
Or a cyclocross bike that raises so much dust it looks like a storm cloud rolling behind the mighty chariot on its inexorable path.
But maybe that’s just me.
12. Satan’s Stead
Oh my! Another one to get the heart skipping a beat.
This name is another that oozes speed. Think black road bike with 21 gears, that’s used to cycling like the very wind itself.
It eats up hills like they’re hardly there, and obliterates whole landscapes with the turn of a pedal.
13. The Wagon Of Woe
Think terror and fear here.
Also think of a slightly cumbrous, and slow-moving beast.
Wagons are not particularly known for their speed. But they are known to continue rolling over endless landscapes…eternally! Or at least that is the case in my head.
Think old-school mountain bikes, fat bikes…anything that takes about five pedal rotations to move one yard. That’s the kind of bike we’re talking about here.
13. Terrible Two-Wheeler
OMG! You’d look seriously hard if you called your bike this.
Imagine the looks you’d get in the street. Respect.
Evil Historical Figure Bike Names
It probably shows my lack of historical knowledge that I could only really come up with a small handful of evil historical figures for this section.
So, it’s back to school for me. But in the meantime, here is the paltry selection I thought up:
This is Gengis of the Khan variety.
A serious meanie of the old days. I’ll be honest when I say I know nothing about Gengis myself. Luckily, however, Wikipedia has heard of him. And they seem to suggest he was not the nicest of men, using pretty much all aggression tactics available to seize land and build his empire.
So, if that’s your bag, then Gengis is the name to go for.
15. Ivan (The Terrible)
Not a man a million miles away from Gengis it appears.
It’s pretty much a certainty that a bike named this will be intelligent, thought-provoking, paranoid, and seized by an urge to destruction.
This is going to be no Barbie bike with a shopping basket on the front, I can assure you.
16. Vlad The Impaler
I really picture a kind of sharply angled bicycle here.
Think narrow wheels, and a streamlined frame.
A Vlad bike would be seriously spiky, and prone to puncturing the tires of any bikes you come across. Beware!
Theological Evil Bike Names
Let’s get a bit deep and mystical now, and look at some of the great evil bike names from the world of theology.
If your bike looks a little unappealing on the eye, then Medusa could be the perfect moniker for it.
Don’t remember Medusa? She was the delightful Greek gorgon who had snakes for hair and a giant serpent lower body.
So, if you’re bike has a bit of rust, or maybe a couple of components hanging off, then Medusa may well fit the bill.
This is a brutal name! Watch yourself.
We’re going to get really deep now and start talking about Norse gods.
Loki was a kind of shape-shifter, who sometimes took the form of a horse, a salmon, a fly, and even (very strangely) an old woman.
This would be a good name for a foldable bike. They kind of shape-shift (well, sort of).
This is the name of the Roman God Of War!
Any bike with this as a name has to look all regal and evil.
I don’t think Thor was actually a bad guy, but his name does resonate with power and force!
This is a speedy bike, one that is imbued with an other-worldly velocity.
These Words Just Sound A Bit Evil
If you’ve got a depressing or just plain sad-looking bike then this could be the name for you.
Get life insurance before you ride a bike called this!
What a beautiful film this was!
But as a bike name, it has to be
25. Nuclear Apocalypse
26. Zombie Death
You might well look quite cool riding around on a bike called Zombie Death.
If your bike is generally fast enough to get away from zombies chasing after you, then you can probably use this name. However, any bike unable to outstrip a zombie might be unwise to use this name.
It’s basically all about speed in the Zombie game.
I’ll admit this is a weird one. If you call your bike this then you probably need to see someone.
28. Angst Wagon
I have to admit I’m pretty proud of this one. I have absolutely no idea what it means, or what sort of bike you should name this.
But, hey, these are just minor details.
Think speed! Think explosiveness and power!
Think firing cannonballs down long country roads. That’s the kind of bike that would suit this name all day long.
Wow! This one is a little over the top.
Got a bike that flies down roads at the speed of light? Then this could be the name for you.
Or maybe you just have a really loud chain. Either get the WD40 out or call your bike Ouzi. The choice is yours.
31. Howitzer Tsunami
The less said about this name the better!
Bad Character Bike Names
This is the baldy with the nose chopped off from Harry Potter in case you’re wondering.
Quite a weird-looking chap.
This would really suit a bike that is a little out of the ordinary. Got bright pink tires – give it a go.
Or your handlebars fell off, but you’re still trying to ride it. Then this is the name for you.
33. Nurse Ratched
Of all characters in the fictional world, this has to be one that I possibly despise the most.
Have you seen the way she treats Billy in that film? Yuck!
This would have to be describing a terrifying, cold-hearted tyrant of a bike.
You know this guy – the weird emaciated dude from Lord of the Rings.
In regard to bikes, think big wheels for those popping eyes!
Think of a thin frame in reference to that wispy hair.
This is a powerful and ferocious name for a bike (as well as being just a little sly).
Think of any yellow, orange, or brown bike. Or anything you can ride that makes you feel like a gangster lion. Let us know.
I’ve never really worked out if the godfather was a goodie or a baddie. Maybe a bit of both.
But one thing is clear – this name would suit a bicycle that is mysterious, underworld, but demands the ultimate authority and respect.
37. Sheriff of Nottingham
If you’re a massive Robin Hood (er, that’s a thing, right), then this could be the choice you’re looking for.
Come on – that guy was pure evil. Motivated by his desire to steal Robin Hood’s woman – the delightful Marion – this guy was an all-around bad-un. Beware!